A Monday Morning Funny - Thanks God

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The Semantics of Miracles

Have any of you noticed the frequent references to "miracles" in our media? An example: I was shocked to hear Dr. Michael Lemole, congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's neurosurgeon, state that it would be "wise to believe in miracles" when explaining Mrs. Giffords' remarkable rate of recovery. Are you serious? A man of science crediting divine intervention over his own intelligence, the skills of his team, the rapid response to the shooting, and at the very least, yet to be discovered scientific rationale. I mean, I can't say it was surprising to hear Oprah suggest that it was a miracle that her newly discovered half-sister bears the same name as her deceased sister (it was Patrica by the way). I equate that to another believer confusing miracle with coincidence. But for an esteemed member of the medical community to even consider including "god" as part of his medical team shocks me. I guess he could be playing to his geographic constituents (and by geographic I am referring to his entire country). It was evident to me while watching the ra-ra-sis-boom-ba "memorial service" that it is wise for any public figure speaking to the masses affected by this tragedy to include some god-references. Even Obama (who I still hold is a closeted Atheist) quoted scripture. I really hope this is what was behind Dr. Lemole's "miracle" statement.

Okay, so I wrote the previous paragraph about three weeks ago and then saved it as a draft with plans of revisiting it for a witty closing illustrating my frustration with people who liken the unexplained to divine intervention. However I thought it would be wise to visit Merriam Webster.com and check out the definition of "miracle". To my delight, I discovered that the second definition is terrestrial, stating "an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment." So why is this a significant finding worthy of your discretionary time? Well, this means that believers don't have a monopoly over such a weighty word. While I don't think that disseminating  the semantic details of the word "miracle" is the best use of the atheist movement's time, it certainly wouldn't  hurt to stake some claim over it during our efforts to take over the world. Think of it as synonymous to the word "marriage" - another word that believers have to learn to share.

It also means that when asked "do you believe in miracles" I can respond "are you referring to definition one or two?"

Hedonistic Priests and the Case For "Normal"

So Benedict says that the pedophilic behaviour of his priests must be seen in a broader social context where the world now views child pornography as "normal" and where drug use and sexual tourism are on the rise. Okay, so tell me pope, how many of your paedophile priests took hedonist cruises or were regular drug users prior to their sins? And can you go find me a non-paedophile who views child pornography as "normal"?  The only remotely "normal" thing about the behaviour of these priests is that their behaviour is likely somewhat "normal" for someone who has been indoctrinated into the sexually repressive regime of the priesthood. You are a criminal Ratzinger. You are no better than the "dirty old man" on the local news. If you weren't the world's most prolific shepherd with an elephantine herd of dazed and confused disciples, you would actually be held accountable for your disgusting behaviour. There are very few times where I hope I am wrong about the non-existent afterlife. This is one of them because I know where you would land you pig.

Belief or Illness.....or both?

I have to admit...I find myself wishing bad things on these people.